Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Investment Banker Blues

I am a poor investment banker, sad and blue
Looking near and far, for a transaction to do
Deals are hard to come by, engagements with no company
There’s just f--ing no action, in this down economy
When lo, though precarious, and far into the horizon
A company I hustle, and sell into a vision
Grow quickly you guys, make an acquisition
Find a smaller company, one easy to gobble
You’ll be bigger than your rivals, I said, with little trouble

Then, when deal terms to the table I now bring
I realize, to my horror, we couldn’t get financing
No lender would grant us, not line nor money
To buy out the owners whole and completely
So I said, we will then use stock
This will be our new line of attack

When all so suddenly, there is a market crash
And my client was soon running out of cash

Market value disappeared right before our eyes
Mart to market losses, we soon have to realize
The whole deal structure was now up in flames

And the target company was now asking for deal breaker claims
And my poor client company, for all its troubles
Was now getting besieged by lots of margin calls

Hedge funds now sell our company shares short
And do so with joyful, ferocious sport
Do you think an end will soon be in sight
When we can finally get on from this cascading fright
My fear is now that, though this deal we do abort
We’ll still end up in bankruptcy court


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